Personally, I know there are some red flags that indicate my partner typically is not as invested in the relationship as I am. If he doesn’t want to define the relationship, then he’s not that into me. If he won’t talk about the future, he probably doesn’t love me.
And if he won’t tattoo my name on his chest, then he probably doesn’t see me as wife material, and that is totally messed up.
In all seriousness, when you’re asking yourself, “Does he trust me?” what should your partner be able to answer and commit to in your relationship to show they actually do trust you? I reached out to two experts who told me there are certain things your partner does that might mean he may not really trust you. Yikes.
1. They Won’t Discuss Finances
At some point in a relationship, you’re bound to have the conversation about finances. According to Meredith Golden, a dating coach, if he’s not willing to engage in conversation, and provide you with some pretty trusted information in that area, then that might indicate a lack of trust.
“If your partner doesn’t tell you his income … it might not mean that he doesn’t love you, but that he’s not ready to marry you or that he’s not 100 percent in… yet,” she says. “This level of intimacy and accessibility demonstrates longevity, trust and a true partnership.”
Golden explains sharing these kinds of things “says that he trusts you with really private information and that you are on a journey together, rather than alone.” She continues that it’s a tiny step in “growing together” as you progress through your relationship: “Eventually, finances get combined. Even if back accounts aren’t commingled, there’s still a sharing of expenses in living a life together.”
It’s important to know where you both are at financially in your relationship, especially if you are planning on spending the rest of your lives together or if you’re thinking about having kids. If this isn’t a topic of discussion, then a future together might not be up for discussion either.
2. They Smother You
Jen Kirsch, dating expert, also has some expertise on how to tell if your partner trusts you. The first surprising sign is that they smother you with attention.
Kirsch explains that while this might seem like a nice thing at first, it could be a red flag. “In a healthy relationship, both partners need independence and have to have time and space apart. The guy who wants to accompany you here, there, and everywhere doesn’t trust you,” she says. “He wants to be around you to ensure you either don’t flirt with others, or that he’s always top of mind. He might think that you have a wandering eye, and he feels like, if left to your own devices, he’ll be replaced.”
If a partner seems controlling or wants to spend all of their time with you (and wants you to spend all of your time with them), then that might not be because they like you, but because they don’t trust you.
3. They Put Down Anyone Perceived As “Competition”
Kirsch says a partner who doesn’t trust you might engage in negative talk about anyone they perceive as a threat to your relationship. “His insecurity stems from a lack of trust he has in you,” she explains. “A man who trusts you won’t shame another guy, threaten to hurt him, or make you delete pics from your social media accounts of guys from your past. He understands that you have a history and that makes you the amazing woman he fell in love with.”
If your partner is secure in your relationship, your past won’t bother them. But if they genuinely don’t trust you, then that’s another story. “By talking shit about a guy you mention, he thinks that he’ll discourage you from liking that person. He wants you to think less of that person because he doesn’t trust that you won’t fall for them,” says Kirsch.
So if you’re wondering if your partner trusts you, it’s time to look at the signs. Do they subtly put down the other people in your life? Have you talked about finances? Are they asking you to be too available for them?
If your partner does any of these things, it might be time to take another look at your relationship.
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Ali is a writer with bylines at Vice, Refinery 29, XO Jane, Hello Giggles, and Fashion Canada. Follow her on Twitter @OnlineAlison or Instagram @alibaby90.