Home RELATIONSHIPS Guys Reveal Their Best Tips For How To Approach A Guy You Like While You're Out

Guys Reveal Their Best Tips For How To Approach A Guy You Like While You're Out

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I am not good at hitting on guys. I can hardly even message them first on Bumble. I don’t know about you, but I have no idea how to approach a guy IRL.

And apparently, this woman isn’t the greatest at it either, as she took to Reddit to ask a bunch of men the best way to make a move on them, saying,

Female here. I’m pretty personable and confident in my looks/personality but I’m shy when it comes to actually approaching a guy, especially if he’s in a group. I get nervous and am unsure what to say, so I end up missing my chance (even when I’m pretty sure the guy wouldn’t reject me). Any tips or conversation starters would be greatly appreciated!!!

Lucky for her, a bunch of dudes decided to help her out by throwing out their advice for approaching guys while you’re out.

This Guy Says To Engage An Entire Group Of Guys

Groups are always difficult. In those cases, it’s best to engage the entire group and then devote attention/flirt with the one you want. One on one, you can be much more direct.

Edit: with group conversation starters, try to peg an interest one person or the group may have. In bars, the easiest method is a drink recommendation.

/u/BlazerFS23

I’m supposed to peg someone?!?! JK, I know what he means.

This Guy Says To Make It Clear Whom You’re Interested In

groups are hard cause guys compete, but the antagonistic view toward suitors that groups of girls have isn’t there, so id say not overthink it. go to the group and make it quickly clear who youre interested in (i reccommend through touch because thats 10x less awkward than having to say it) so that the guys wont fight over you

/u/Edgemeretv

This Guy Says to Give A Specific and Unique Compliment

That’s an interesting one to note. I always tell guys I like X clothing they’re wearing, and I assumed they understood it was implied that I liked it both because of the pattern but also because of how it fit/made them look. Like I don’t really separate the person wearing something from the clothing itself. I’ll be sure to make it more clear that I like the clothing ON THEM.

/u/iamnotanartist

Hey, that shirt looks great on you…

This Guy Says To Find A Wingwoman

Find a girlfriend who is good at approaching. Wingman her, let her break the ice and do the intros. After you get your foot in the door it’s easier to talk to everyone else around.

/u/darkskies1094trump

This Guy Wrote A Literal Flirting Manifesto (Get Ready)

Any tips or conversation starters would be greatly appreciated!!!

Here are some flirting tips.

As a general guideline:

  • What’s subtle to you is invisible to him.

  • What’s obvious to you is subtle to him.

  • What’s obvious to the point of embarrassing to you, is starting to be visible to him.

Not sure if girls plan it out or just do it naturally, but what works best on me is when girls have “warmed me up” a little first with casual conversation. So that when they do finally ask me out, it feels natural and it’s easy for me to say yes.

The following may seem like a lot, but many women have gone through many of the steps in one conversation, and closed by asking for the date. Some girls are really smooth.

Here is the process:

  • Bring up some excuse to talk to him: class, work, etc. Then transition into talking about interests and your personal lives.

  • Express interest. Put away your phone, maintain eye contact, and be attentive. Lean in closer to him when he talks. Forget about playing hard to get–that just makes it easier for the guy to think you’re not interested. Be engaged in the conversation.

  • Flirt. Girls who are flirty with me from the start will stay out of the female friend-zone. Be careful with teasing though; some girls don’t know the difference between light playful teasing and hurtful insults. When in doubt, err toward being complimentary rather than critical, e.g. “Ooh, I think it’s hot when a man [does X],” not, “You’ll have to learn to [do X] if you ever want to get a girlfriend.” Breaking his balls is not sexy. Stroking his ego is.

  • Compliment his appearance. Guys hardly ever get appreciation, so you’ll stand out immediately. Seriously, I and my guy friends will puff out our chests for a week if we get a sincere compliment from a girl who isn’t our mom or relative. However, make sure to compliment him, not just his clothes (this is a common mistake since clothes are how women compliment each other). Otherwise, he’ll assume you like his clothes and shrug it off. Lots of articles advise women to tell men, “Hey, I like your shirt.” Only to have the guy completely miss the hint she was into him. Compliment his face, body, skill (guys pride themselves on skill) etc. Women want to be more than a sex object; men want to be a sex object.

  • Offer your phone number first before he asks. That one is a blatant green light for me. But get his number too, if it was an accidental meeting and you might never see him again.

  • “Direct approach”: Ask him out on a “date.” Actually say the word, “Date.” Hinting he should ask you out often does not work. If you use subtlety, you’ll complain to your girl friends later how he doesn’t notice. Use your words and you could be on a date with him tomorrow. Edit: this is more effective in person, not over text or e-mail or Facebook. Via technology, the guy might talk himself into thinking you’re joking or you meant that for someone else you were chatting online with.

  • “Self-invite” date, e.g. when he talks about a cool bar/restaurant/whatever he discovered you say, “I’d love to go there! Are you hitting it up later this week?”

  • “Reminder” date, a good follow-up to the “self-invite” date: “Hey, when are we going to that great bar you told me about?

  • “Student” approach: you see a guy who’s good at something, e.g. throwing darts. You introduce yourself and ask him to teach you. Commence flirting.

  • Shy Girl’s Stealth Strategy. The girl suggests cool upcoming events: new movie, concerts, shows, etc. Naturally weaves them into the conversation. Eventually one would catch my interest and I’d just react and say, “Yeah, I’d love to go to that.” Then she says, “Great! Let’s go together on Friday. Meet me at seven.” So smooth that I’d only realize hours later she had set me up to ask me out.

  • If you want him right now, try to get him alone. “Hey, it’s kinda loud in here, want to go outside for a bit?” If you really want to go further, suggest splitting a taxi or inviting him back to your place. Or if you’re going to his place, ask him to see his bedroom, and make a move on him then.

  • Physical touching. Guys are taught to keep their hands to themselves around women, so a guy will definitely notice if a girl breaks the touch barrier. You don’t have to grope him, but touch his arm in conversation when you’re emphasizing a point or laughing at something he says.

Here are some bolder moves, more suitable for a party/nightclub/bar situation.

Bold: put your hand on his thigh.

Bolder: sit close to him and press your thigh against his thigh. Or if you’re sitting across from him, rub your foot against his leg.

Boldest: sit on his lap and put his arm around you. Some girls “trip” and fall into guy’s laps. Like a dumbass, I’ve helped girls stand up and sent them on their way, when they actually wanted to talk to me. The more persistent ones stuck around and talked to me anyway.

If you’re dancing, dance closer. Grind your body against his.

Keep escalating unless he makes it clear your advances are not welcome.

Negative tactics

Some girls do these things to attract guys, but they actually repel guys. These should go without saying, but I’m including them for the sake of covering all bases.

  • Try to make him jealous. Flirting with other guys in front of him, talking about how you get asked out a lot, etc. Some girls do it thinking it lets her crush know she’s “in demand.” In most cases, the guy treats it as a sign of disinterest, e.g. “Damn, she flirts with all those guys but never flirts with me.” Or he might actually be disgusted by it. “Jesus, no way would I want a girlfriend who flirts with every guy around her.” The problem is girls are turned on by competition in relationships, while most guys are turned off.

  • Complain about guys trying to physically escalate with you. Some girls do this to plant the idea he should make a move. Reverse psychology. This backfires, because the guy will assume the girl doesn’t want anyone to make a move on her. He doesn’t want to be labeled a “creep” like all those other guys, so he does nothing. Then he gets confused later if he hears from her (or through her friends), complaining how he never made a move. Disclaimer: not all girls do this.

  • Criticize any girl he’s dating, e.g. “Nah, she’s no good for you” (“Because I think I’m right for you!”). Worse, be rude to the girl if he introduces her to you, e.g. “Oh, so you’re [name]” (looks her up and down to size up the competition).

  • Open the conversation by insulting him. house_robot explained this really well in another thread.

Quote:

When a girl says, “Oh you’re a player aren’t you?” its similar to when they say shit like, “Oh you want me to go home with you? You sure you don’t have other girls there already?”

Its the female approach to giving a man a compliment: passive aggressively, and couched as an insult. Shes letting you know you have desirable qualities.

When girls say this type of nonsense to you, never confirm or deny it.

It took me a while to realize this was a thing. I’d meet a new girl, she’d break my balls, and I’d be turned off. Hear later she liked me. WTF?

The key thing is to make it obvious you’re treating him differently and better compared to other guys. Like if he sees you hugging every guy, then he’ll second-guess your interest and think you’re just being friendly if you hug him.

I thought this was a good example from a past AskMen thread titled, “Men who have had women make the first move on them, how did she do it?”

The user deleted their account, but this story was still up. Might be too aggressive for some, but the girl’s confidence was attractive.

My personal favorite: As I was randomly leaving a bar, a girl I’d never seen before grabbed my hand and said “You can’t leave! you’re so cute!”

I told her she was very sweet and very cute herself but that I had to leave and that I had a girlfriend, and she goes “Noooo! Can I at least give you a hug?” I said of course and she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek during the hug and said “Sorry, I had to! Your girlfriend is very lucky!”

Speaking of the girlfriend (still my SO today) she was my good friend a solid year and change before we started dating. One night after some wine she asked why I never was into her, while swearing that she wasn’t actually into me.

The next day when I brought up the conversation to her she said “yeah well maybe I was lying about not being into you.” I told her that I think she’s awesome but that I don’t date my friends, and she replied “We’ll see.”

She spent the next month and a half just being super cute, sweet, thoughtful, and adorable towards me, even after I told her again I wasn’t going to change my mind. Eventually, I did.

I later learned from a mutual friend that she confided that (paraphrasing), “I know he’s not going to change his mind, and I’m okay with that. But I still want to make him happy and be an awesome friend to him, even if it won’t make him like me. He deserves it.”

The worst thing that can happen if a girl is too subtle in her flirting: case study video. I’d watch it again without sound to see more of her signals she’s interested. Granted, they’re entertainers, so who knows if it was all an act.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

/u/gotthelowdown

Did you get that all down? Need to print it out?

This Guy Says To Act A Little Nervous

All I can say is: If he shows signs of interest, just go for it. A lot of us wish that mutually interested women would make the first move, and it gives one helluva confidence boost (for most guys). To be honest, and while I’m not saying you should try to do it, seeming nervous or stumbling over your words might actually help the guy chill out a lot. It says one or both of two things: “I’m a normal, flawed human as well”, which is easily forgotten by many smitten lads, and “I’m attracted to you”.

/u/Astrobomb

I don’t need to act nervous. I’m nervous anyway!

This Guy Says To Be Direct

The cheat code for girls is just going up to a guy and telling them, or a least strongly alluding, that you’re into them. There’s a chance of rejection (welcome to our world). But you get better and better at it the more you do it. Assuming that you’re reasonably attractive, as a girl, you’ll probably get more takers than not.

/u/frosty147

So when it comes to hitting on guys, be direct. Pick out the guy you want, and remember, flattery is everything.

And if that doesn’t work, then just spend the rest of your life alone! (Just kidding.)

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Alison Segel

Ali is a writer with bylines at Vice, Refinery 29, XO Jane, Hello Giggles, and Fashion Canada. Follow her on Twitter @OnlineAlison or Instagram @alibaby90.

Ali is a writer with bylines at Vice, Refinery 29, XO Jane, Hello Giggles, and Fashion Canada. Follow her on Twitter @OnlineAlison or Instagram @alibaby90.

Guys Reveal Their Best Tips For How To Approach A Guy You Like While You’re Out



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