I used to consider myself a one-date wonder.
Basically, I had really great, magical first dates, but then, I would never hear from the guys again.
Then, I realized it was because I had no idea what I was supposed to text after the first date, and usually, I realized that I had left things with the ball in my court.
While we think it’s the guy’s responsibility to reach out after the first date, sometimes, men are anxiously waiting for women to make the next move and give them reassurance as to how the date went.
So what are you supposed to say after that first date, whether you had the time of your life or never want to see the guy again?
Here are texts to send after a first date, based on what you want to happen next.
1. You Never Want To See This Dude Again
You know that feeling: You go on a date with a guy, and immediately, you know you absolutely never want to see him again.
Just the thought of them makes you cringe. Maybe they tried to mansplain feminism to you, or they said they were 6’5″ in their profile, and they turned out to be a whopping 5’3″. Either way, you know there’s absolutely not going to be a second date.
If you don’t feel comfortable ghosting them, try letting them down easy with this text.
2. You 100 Percent Want To Go On A Second Date
Want to lock in that second date with a guy? Well, it’s totally OK — in fact, it’s a good idea — for you to make the first move. Guys need reassurance that you want to see them again, too. If you definitely want to see him again, text him and let him know.
Give him a compliment, let him know you had fun, tell him you want to see him again, and include some sort of inside joke from the date. Most likely, he’ll try to set up a time for round two.
3. You Just Want To Friend-Zone Him
Dates can actually be a great way to make new friends.
If you’re on a dating app, then mostly likely, you’re going on a whole string of dates, many of which are unsuccessful. The chemistry might be there, but the romance is not. But that doesn’t mean you have to wipe the guy from your life completely.
They could totally make for a good friend, if you both agree a relationship isn’t an option for you.
4. You Don’t Want To Ghost, So You Breadcrumb Instead
Have you heard about breadcrumbing?
It’s basically when you leave a guy on the back burner. You don’t want to ghost him, but you also don’t want a relationship with him right now. So instead of continuing to date him, you demote him to a guy you text every so often, leaving breadcrumbs of interest that leave him hanging and begging for more.
He’s hungry for your attention, but you’re not quite giving it to him, yet. Breadcrumbing means never committing and always leaving them wanting more. Excuses are your friend, here.
5. You Low-Key Want To Marry Him, But You Don’t Want To Be Weird About It
Here’s what to say if you want to spend the rest of your life with your Bumble date, but you, like, don’t want to freak him out and stuff.
Because sometimes, you want to marry a man, have his children, and never let him leave your sight, but you can’t exactly let him know that because you’ve only known one another for 45 minutes. God forbid you come off as a stage-five clinger!
Honestly, if you feel a real connection with someone, that can be pretty rare. In this case, being authentic and genuine is key. Let him know that he’s not just another guy you went on a date with. He’s different. A man will respond to that.
So here’s your handy-dandy guide of what to say in every situation after you’ve gone on your first date with someone. Maybe print it out? Give it to all your friends? Bookmark it?
It’s probably the most important thing you’re ever going to read in your entire life, if I’m being honest.
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Ali is a writer with bylines at Vice, Refinery 29, XO Jane, Hello Giggles, and Fashion Canada. Follow her on Twitter @OnlineAlison or Instagram @alibaby90.