If you’re in a committed relationship, and the two of you are having a wonderful time together, you might be thinking about taking the next big step and moving in together.
In a good relationship, living together is like having a fun sleepover with your best friend every night.
Moving in with your love can be a super exciting milestone in your relationship. There’s a lot to do and experience together. Before you move in together, though, you should realize that it’s not all fun and games. (Although, if you’re doing this relationship thing right, there will be a lot of fun and games!)
Moving in together is a serious venture that requires some adult conversation, like really asking yourself, “Are we ready to move in together?”
Although your partner probably already knows a lot about you (you know, since you decided to take the plunge and live together), you’re going to want to make sure, before you start packing things up, that your partner gets to know the really critical details about you.
1. Whether You’re An Early Bird Or A Night Owl
Do you believe in catching the worm or watching the moon? What about your partner? How will you handle it if these things are different?
Before you move in together, you and your partner should definitely have a talk about who likes to go to bed when and who likes to wake up when and how you’ll manage all of that. Although it might sound trivial, it’s really, really not.
When you’re sharing a living space with someone who likes to get up at 5 a.m. to run every day (while you just went to bed at 3 a.m.) or vice versa, you need to know what you’re getting into as soon as possible. That way, you can make an informed decision about how to deal with that situation.
2. Whether You’re A Neat Freak Or A Total Slob
Even if you never actually watched The Odd Couple (I mean… it was a really long time ago), I’m sure we can all appreciate the hilarity that would ensue if one part of a live-in team (be it roommates or romantic partners) were an uptight neat freak and the other were a relaxed slob: that was Oscar and Felix.
Sure, it’s funny on TV. But maybe not so much in real life.
Before you move in together, talk to your partner about your cleaning and hygiene habits and find out about theirs, too. If you two are totally different in these ways, you might either want to rethink the move or at least have some serious conversations about how to work out your differences before it happens.
3. How You Feel About Pets
Are you the type that likes to cuddle every puppy you meet? Are you planning on getting your own one day? Or conversely, are you one of those weirdos who can’t stand animals? (I’m judging you.)
Either way, make this stuff clear with your significant other before you move in. If you have a pet, obviously, that needs to be discussed. If you are planning on getting one sometime in the near future, talk about that, too.
Even if you just have positive or negative thoughts on other people (like friends or family) bringing over their pets, bring it up. It’ll be worth it to avoid fights down the line.
4. How You Feel About Babies
Everything I just said about pets goes for babies, as well — except, you know, this is a little more serious because they’re tiny humans.
If you think you and your partner are headed toward a future that includes babies of your own and the move is the first part, definitely talk about that before you actually get settled in. You’ll want to see if you are on the same page.
Not only that, but if you’re in your 20s and at the age where friends of yours are getting pregnant or having their second or third kid, you probably want to talk about how you feel about babies in your space.
I, personally, am not a huge fan of babies, so I don’t really want them in my house. (I know, I’m a monster.) The important thing is, though, my husband knows this. And agrees. (He’s a monster, too.)
5. How Much Personal Space You Need
Just because you plan to live with someone, doesn’t usually mean you plan to give up all of your personal space.
Conversations around personal space are those that not many couples have, but the best, healthiest couples know this is an important discussion to be had. Do you like to be left alone in the morning until after your first (or third) cup of coffee? Do you want to have a standing date to spend every Friday night together? Either way, talk to your partner about all of this.
6. Whether You’d Like To Manage Money Together
Do you want to contribute equally to everything, or do you want to pay for certain things and have your partner pay for certain things? Before you move in together, you should talk about this stuff so that you can avoid fights down the line.
No one really likes talking about money, but for a couple who lives together, it’s pretty important. Even if you don’t want to join your finances at all, which is totally fine, you will still need to talk about how you’re going to pay for groceries, rent, and bills.
It’s a gross conversation, but a really necessary one to have a mature, adult relationship.
7. Whether You Want Sex Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Or Hourly
Yep, that’s right. You should talk about sex. Too many couples go into a long-term commitment or into living together thinking that the sex will just flow, and they don’t have to talk about it. This may be true sometimes — rarely — but usually, it’s actually a better idea to sit down and discuss each of your expectations.
Maybe one of you has a really high sex drive, and the other’s is very low. Maybe one of you thinks sex every day is healthy and the other thinks twice a week is perfect.
When you live together, you are going to be dealing with this issue a lot more than when you lived apart (because let’s be real, you probably had sex every time you saw each other before), so it’s better to get it all on the table now.
8. How You Feel About Guests
Do you like having friends and family over a lot? Are you an entertainer? How do you feel about last minute, sort-of-uninvited guests?
Talk to your partner about your friends, family, and everyone in between coming for visits, and how you feel about it all. If one of you really likes to have company over a lot and the other is a total loner, that may lead to some arguments if you don’t hash out all of your concerns.
Find out how your partner feels about guests, too, so you can be as respectful as they are.
9. How You Want To Plan For Romance
Planning to move in together doesn’t mean just planning for the dishes and housework. It also means planning for romance.
The two of you are probably super excited about this new chapter, but you want to make sure the excitement stays. Too often, couples who live together and don’t make an effort at romance and end up becoming like roommates.
Don’t let this happen to you. Before you move in together, talk to you partner about how you plan to keep up the romance and love alive in your relationship.
10. What You’re Planning For The Future
Most importantly, you should clue your partner into your plans for the future before you guys to take the big step to move in together.
Are you looking to get married eventually? Do you want to travel together one day? This is all stuff you need to discuss with your partner so they know what they’re getting into. Plus, talking about the future now will help you when you inevitably have to have more conversations about the future down the road.
Moving in together is an exciting time in any couple’s life, but it’s even better when you have all of your ducks in a row. Make sure your partner knows these critical bits of information about you and make sure you know the same about them! It’ll set you up for long-term, coupled-up success.
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